Sunday, January 29, 2017

Define Your Dash #5: Qualities I Admire in my Friends

What qualities do I admire most in my friends? Well this question gave me pause and I had to reflect on the friends that have had throughout my life. Looking back I have had three types of really good friends. Givers, takers, and a combination. I imagine I have also been one of these three types to those same people.
Givers are exactly that. They give you their time, they are the ones who remember your birthday and get you something, they are always there to listen, and they don't expect anything in return. I have only had a few friends like this which I am ashamed of because that made me the taker.
Takers are the opposite and force you to be the giver. Which I am not great at and these relationships are not generally sustainable in the long run (for me).
The best type of friendship to have is one where both parties give and take. My very best friendships have been with people who I can both count on to comfort and advise me and who I know will come to me if the need counsel or comfort. They are friendships that both people are invested in. It absolutely sucks to feel like a friendship would fall apart if you stopped caring. (And I feel like this happens all the time.) It is terrible to be the one always calling and planning and inviting. Good friendships don't work like that. Both people care about the relationship enough to be involved participants rather than bystanders who will join you if cajoled.
Other qualities are important too. Commonalities between the two friends help. History is great but every friendship has to start somewhere. I like people who seem interested in my life, I feel like I am fairly good at asking questions but its nice when they seem to care as well. Remembering is key. What I mean is that it is refreshing when conversation varies and you don't have to have the same thing rehashed over and over because the person doesn't care enough to remember. I think it also important to be there regardless of the circumstances.
Now, I know this seems like a lot but the question is, what qualities to admire most in my friends, not what qualities are required for my friendship. Though it seems I have been talking about two different things.

Qualities that make a Good Friend.

  • There for you
  • Willing to give advice and comfort
  • Willing to accept advice and comfort
  • Make an effort to keep friendship going
  • Share common interests or is willing to learn about friends interests 
  • Interested in the life of friend
  • Remembers previous conversations
  • Is okay with ups and downs of life and emotions

Qualities I most admire in my friends.

  • Kindness
  • Willingness to serve
  • Willingness to listen
  • Flexibility (Being Easy Going)
  • Selflessness
  • Planning Ability
As I wrote the second list I realized that the items are what they are because they are what I am weak at. I like to associate with people who possess them so that I can learn and become better.

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