Despite what it looks like, I have been faithfully blogging every week. I just don't always post what I blog because some of them are mucho bigo posts that will probably not be fully read by anyone once they are actually posted. I figured its okay, however, since this blog remains, most importantly, a journal and record since this seems to be the only way I can do it.
I have a couple of random thoughts today. The first post I started was called obsession with apocalypse. I never posted it because I suddenly thought of a lot more that needed to be said first. I now want to return to that idea.
First of all, I really hate scary movies, and I especially hate zombies. It must have been heavily on my mind when I started this blog due to the outpouring of zombie movies, tv shows, board games etc. Then I realized, not only does the media portray the world ending with zombies, but it predicts deep sea monsters, world wars, aliens, robots, and plagues. The only thing that seems to be consistent in media is that the world is going to end. It strikes me as sad that our particular generation looks to the future with expectations of declination whereas, previous generations pictured flying cars, hover-boards, and other innovations. I have been trying to decide what I think that says about us. Has Hollywood run out of ideas? Do people have an instinct that tells them that the human race can't survive in its current state much longer? Do we think innovation is leading to destruction? Why are we obsessed with chaos, anarchy, and apocalypse?
Now, I agree with the movies to some extent. I think the world will end as we know it eventually. However, I don't think it will be an alien and outside force that changes it the most. I think that after all of the bad happens, we will finally get to receive our Lord and Master. Having been responsible for the creation of the earth he can hardly be considered alien. With this in mind, it seems far more logical to prepare spiritually for the end of the world than it does to build an underground fortress full of prepper nonsense.
Don't get me wrong. There are reasons we are asked to have food storage. We are a church of preparedness. We should not forgot about possible temporal needs that will come with the pre-second coming state of the world. I do think, however, that it would be worse to die spiritually unprepared than to die from starvation. Luckily for me, I can afford to be spiritually prepared (as can we all). I cannot, however, afford not to.
With this thought in mind, I have once again found myself in the position of needing to take stock of my many numerous faults. If I don't know what they are how can I fix them? Sometimes being Christlike seems so daunting. Especially when missionary work is so stressed right now and I have a fear of talking to people. With that, I suppose its easy to tell which of my faults has been plaguing me lately. I want to be a missionary but it scares me to death.
I want to share the gospel. Why would I not want to share the very best part of my life? But people intimidate me more, rather than less, as I have gotten older. I am trying. I go to my meetings, and fulfill my callings to the best of my ability, but I know I should be doing more. It makes me so sad when people leave the church due to an offense. I just wish that everyone could understand how imperfect the members are and be able to separate them from the church as a whole.
Anyway, I did warn that this was a tangent post. I have been working on my personal progress faithfully since deciding to do it. My goals are a lot braver than they were as a youth. I keep thinking that the more I can prepare and spiritually strengthen myself the better the chance I will have of being able to say something that someone else needs to hear. I want to do what I am supposed to do, so I can start being who I could be.