Sunday, October 13, 2013

The Proposal

      As a child and a teenager there were a lot of things that I thought I wouldn't do. I thought it was embarrassing to live at home after you graduated high school, I thought it was crazy to plan a wedding before a proposal, and I thought that people should get married quickly and have children right away. The older I got, and as I faced some of these choices, my preconceived notions ideas began to shift. I began to understand why one might ride the gravy train, or plan a wedding before a proposal, or not have kids right away.
Time with my family :)
   I did leave home, in a manner of speaking, when I graduated. I went all the way to the dorms downtown and I only came home three or four times a week. I was independent see, and I only needed to go home for food, laundry, comfort, boredom, and family. That was it, the rest I could handle on my own. My second year of college, I was offered a second dorm scholarship, I didn't even want it. I decided to trax down to the U every day because I enjoyed living with my family. I liked going home at
night to people I wanted to be around. The food was better, I had the chance to save money, and I knew that the time we had as whole family (with everyone still home) was quickly coming to an end. I was able to buy a car, I was able to make a lot of my own choices, and I was able to go to school. Living with my family did not turn out to be as embarrassing as my teenage brain had always thought it would be. And now, I look back on those last couple of years at home and am grateful that I had them. For currently, I am truly independent. I only go home two or three times a week for food, boredom and family. (I do my own laundry now.)
    Now, I remember watching people I know plan their whole weddings before a ring was given. I thought that was nuts. Was it really so difficult to get engaged before planning the big day? It turns out that yes, yes it can be. I'm sure I'm repeating some earlier post, but I decided to go to Thailand about 11 days before Nick got home from his mission. While he was gone, I had, like he told me to, dated other guys (some more seriously than others). I also had made a lot of male friends. I had been treated very differently by all of them. Amongst many of them, I was practically one of the guys. That is a position I never really minded but hardly the way a potential girlfriend wanted to be treated. By others, I was treaded carefully around. I got the feeling that they were not quite sure how to treat me. I wasn't a flirt, I never played dumb, and I wasn't particularly encouraging. By others I was just treated like a friend. That was the most comfortable position to be in because there were no unspoken expectations. There were a few, who genuinely liked me, that I might have been able to love  had I not still been wrapped around the finger of my absent missionary. Nick had always treated me like his princess and I couldn't find anyone while he was gone who came close to making me feel as important as he did. (Remember I am a red I need to feel important).
Sketchy "motel"
     Anyway, whew that was quite the tangent, the day Nick got home from his mission I had finally gotten into an air conditioned room at our sketchy "motel" on Kho Phi Phi (an island in the middle of
the Adamon Sea off the coast of central Thailand). I didn't hear anything from him right away and was slightly heartbroken, which I probably deserved, but that is another story (I later realized that I had a different e-mail address then when he left). I eventually heard from him and was able to actually talk to him for the first time in two years. I felt the same. I still loved him, even without seeing him I knew I still loved him. He felt the same. Between May and August of that summer we communicated via skype and facebook. We knew we were going to get married when I got home but I made him promise he would not propose over skype (not that he would have but I needed to make sure). He did inform me over skype that he had asked my parents if he could marry me so I really wasn't sure what his limits were. We planned almost our whole wedding on-line.
   I was one of those people I had always considered crazy. Wedding date was picked, wedding was planned, I was yet to be engaged. In fact I hadn't even seen him for 28 months. When I finally got home on August 17th, we were pretty ecstatic to see one another. I knew he was going to propose sometime soon because we had less than two months before the wedding. I suspected it would be on my birthday (Sept. 4) but he couldn't wait that long. He proposed on August 19th.
   
  He picked me up for our very suspicious date that evening and told me that we were going up the canyon for dinner. We both like fire cooked meals and fresh air and I was thinking that that would be a nice place to be proposed to. Unfortunately, it was the last weekend of summer vacation and everyone and their dog was having a fire cooked meal up the canyon that night. After driving up all three major canyons in the Salt Lake Valley without finding an empty table Nick gave up and decided we would go out to eat. Which was sad because he had planned such a romantic fire cooked Asian meal. We ended up getting take out Italian and eating on the lawn of a park in Draper. The park had a view of the whole valley and it was fun to be able to see it all while eating pasta and drinking guava juice from fancy glasses. We talked about our future watched the sunset and Nick looked into my eyes and said, "ready to go?"
     I was baffled. I was sure he was going to propose. I thought maybe I had gotten it wrong and he was being sneakier than usual. We cleaned up, got in the car, and started heading up the mountain rather than down. He drove me to the Draper temple, it clicked. We got out of the car, he took me to a secluded bench and told me how much he loved me. He held my hands and said, "Well, lets go."
     I couldn't figure out what he was doing. It did cross my mind that he wasn't even trying to make me think he was going to propose and that I was just paranoid. We got back to my house and I figured I had been mistaken. We walked to my back porch and there sitting on top of tub of cheesecake ice cream was a ring box. He picked it up kneeled down and proposed for real. I can't remember what he said because I was actually surprised and a little busy bawling my eyes out. I remember putting the ring on and pulling him to his feet. (A little background knowledge. My back porch was the place we had our first kiss. A rather unfortunate over-planned incident in which my sister saw more than she wanted too ha ha.) We went inside and told my parents and he called his parents and we lived happily every after, so far.
     As for kids, I quickly learned that everyone is on their own timetable for children. Some people want them and have to wait (for various reasons). Others have them before they mean too. Some plan them and have them. The Lord guides and directs individuals and we try to listen. We do want children more than anything but we don't think the time is here yet. So, unlike my teenage self, I no longer think there is a right way of doing many things. There is a right way for individuals however, if we are willing to turn to the Lord and find out what it is.

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